How many of us consider conflict to be negative? Nothing good ever comes out of it, right? I used to think so too…
Younger I used to think that conflicts were best avoided, and if unavoidable, they required a whole lot of energy that I often did not have on hand. I would typically give in to resolve the issue rapidly and avoid the other being upset or disappointed. Older I learned that conflicts were sometimes necessary but my body often betrayed me and revealed my nervousness through the likes of sweaty palms, a raised heart rate, and a tremble in my tone of voice. These signs sabotaged my position more often than not and I found myself looking for an escape route and often giving in again!
And then I came across an incredible tool – Leading Out of Drama’s compassion cycle.
And I felt empowered for the first time.
I learned that conflict in itself is simply energy and that this energy can be harnessed to be the author of positive change. I began to see things quite differently… I chose to follow the core concept training and become certified in this new tool to gain deeper understanding of the mechanisms of healthy positive conflict resolution.
And then I had the opportunity to help a very close friend through an intense conflict with one of their colleagues using this tool. We discussed at length the right words to use to not give in but rather disclose wants and needs; the right questions to ask to not give unsolicited advice but to remain curious, let go and move on; and, the right framework to not give ultimatums but to focus on goals and to stop and listen. We worked out a couple different scenarios and, using the compassion cycle, the skeleton of a “formula” to address the conflict in a positive manner.
And it worked!!
The colleague was heard and felt understood. My friend was relieved the conversation had gone well and that the outcome was productive and positive. Both parties had an understanding of the other’s perspective and intention and this time the conflict resolution brought about really positive change on both sides.
If you are interested to know more about this powerful tool, watch this space – www.bbco.be. We will be offering a free teaser very soon…