Harnessing the positive energy of conflict??

How many of us consider conflict to be negative? Nothing good ever comes out of it, right? I used to think so too…

Younger I used to think that conflicts were best avoided, and if unavoidable, they required a whole lot of energy that I often did not have on hand. I would typically give in to resolve the issue rapidly and avoid the other being upset or disappointed. Older I learned that conflicts were sometimes necessary but my body often betrayed me and revealed my nervousness through the likes of sweaty palms, a raised heart rate, and a tremble in my tone of voice. These signs sabotaged my position more often than not and I found myself looking for an escape route and often giving in again!
And then I came across an incredible tool – Leading Out of Drama’s compassion cycle.

And I felt empowered for the first time.

I learned that conflict in itself is simply energy and that this energy can be harnessed to be the author of positive change. I began to see things quite differently… I chose to follow the core concept training and become certified in this new tool to gain deeper understanding of the mechanisms of healthy positive conflict resolution.

And then I had the opportunity to help a very close friend through an intense conflict with one of their colleagues using this tool. We discussed at length the right words to use to not give in but rather disclose wants and needs; the right questions to ask to not give unsolicited advice but to remain curious, let go and move on; and, the right framework to not give ultimatums but to focus on goals and to stop and listen. We worked out a couple different scenarios and, using the compassion cycle, the skeleton of a « formula » to address the conflict in a positive manner.

And it worked!!

The colleague was heard and felt understood. My friend was relieved the conversation had gone well and that the outcome was productive and positive. Both parties had an understanding of the other’s perspective and intention and this time the conflict resolution brought about really positive change on both sides.

If you are interested to know more about this powerful tool, watch this space – www.bbco.be. We will be offering a free teaser very soon…

Can I nourish my person?

15 years ago, I became acquainted with an incredibly powerful tool. This tool called the Process Communication Model® (PCM) opened my eyes to many truths about myself, my behavior, and especially how, practically, I could feed my psychological battery with common everyday activities. I learned that not everyone gets energized by the same type of activities. Some get a positive rush from sitting on a parc bench, alone, watching passers-by, and letting their imagination gallop away. Some get this same rush from hearing the sound of the pen scratch an item on their to-do list to mark it completed. Yet others get it from sitting in their favorite cozy seat, curled up with their treasured soft blanket, a hot cup of tea, and sharing some deep intimate conversation on Facetime with their best friend.

What is amazing is that once I gained awareness of this truth, it really revolutionized my life.

I have now incorporated activities in my routines that boost my battery. I find myself better equipped to handle life stressors, difficult circumstances, and conflicts. When I take the time to draw myself a warm bath with nice smelling bubbles and savor the feel of the warm water on my skin before getting under the soft covers of my cozy bed, I sleep better and wake up feeling refreshed the next day. When I congratulate myself for my contribution to my business and receive feedback on the positive impact my coaching sessions have had, I experience a real energy boost. I now take time to allow myself to savor these activities by being present in the moment.

What activities do you find really nourish your person? Do you give yourself permission to do them? And if you do, how much do you savor doing them?

PCM defines 8 different psychological needs. The model teaches that every individual has all 8 needs within them and that satisfying these needs positively brings balance to one’s psyche. Learning about this aspect of the model was a key moment for me and implementing its suggestions made a difference both in my personal and professional life.

Want to know more? www.bbco.be